5) You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
Off the top of my head I can't think of any Alice in Chains songs...I know of them, and I know I've heard their stuff, but I can't think of anything specific or even how they sound...but even so, I don't think I want every song to sound like them nor do I want to sound like them when I sing. I enjoy music too much to make it so uniform and mundane. Sorry hunny, but we'll figure out a way around the broken collarbones...or most of them. She could wear some football shoulder pads, or hire a bodyguard, or learn karate. Yea...ninja wife. That might be the coolest thing I've ever thought. Ever.