Friday, February 8, 2008

On a more serious note...

To all my loyal readers....I apologize but this post will have little to no humor you are all accustomed to seeing in my posts. I promise to resume the standard hilarity in my next posts and I really hope to get that last part of Vegas posted but...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas so...hahaha. I kid. Its coming...soon...hopefully...yea.

So its Friday night and I've been sitting at home....alone....for the past three and a half hours or so. Now I'm not looking for sympathy or pity here....its just a strange feeling that I've been lucky enough to avoid since moving down to Seattle almost two years ago. I also stayed home from work the past two days...didn't feel too great (and pretty sure I staved ( that even a word) off the potential cold so it was worth it) maybe that's why it felt even stranger to be alone tonight...since I was alone for several hours over the past two days. I really can't say for sure...but its a rather foreign feeling for now.

For the past two (well almost two) years...I've always had roommates to keep me company, accompany me out to the bars/dinner/the movies/whatever and generally keep me entertained. Well tonight was different. I did meet up with my roommate for a late lunch, and then for some drinks after work with he & The Jordo....and yes I'm still sober (woo hoo self!). Well Dan had plans to meet up with some people in Queen Anne to play Rock Band but he was far too drunk to drive anywhere...lucky for him he's got a D.D. for the entire year. So I dropped him off, and thought about staying...but was tired from a long day at work and just felt like relaxing at home...or at least doing something more chill than ROCK BAND....tho that is I've posted about before.

So after dropping off my roommate I decided to call up a few people and see if they wanted to just chill or do something low key. Nobody answered. It happens. So I just headed home to chill by myself...and it did sound kind of nice. Little did I know how weird it was going to feel. Seriously. I guess I'd forgotten how long it had been since I was all alone...with my place to myself. And while I do occasionally enjoy having time to myself....I didn't realize just how much I enjoy being around people....especially my friends. I guess I'm more extroverted than I realized...I get my energy by being around other people. What I realized most how much my friends mean to me and how much I enjoy being around them. So in that regard...seeing as I'm rarely alone...I'm rather blessed to have such great friends that I get to see so often...and I think I've been taking that for granted more than I thought.

It also got me thinking about my family and how much they mean to me. I know plenty of people who don't get to see their family much....or may not have a very large family....or may not know they're family at all....let alone get to see them. And believe me, my relationship with my family is far from perfect or ideal....I deserve no accolades or awards for how I've treated them or shown them how much they mean to me....but then again nobody's family is perfect....we love our families bc they're all we have...bc they are imperfect...bc that's where you learn what true, unconditional love least that's my opinion on the matter.

Lately I've had the chance to see them more, or talk to them, or communicate in some way and its been really enjoyable....but at the same time the more you see your family (at least with my family and probably with most) the more you argue for no good reason. Like the other day I was talking with my mom on the phone about helping her sell her furniture on Craigslist so she can make room for the new furniture she's (hopefully still) getting. I was totally cool with helping her, but I needed some information and input from pics, selling prices, etc. After a few minutes we both snapped at each other over something stupid. She was asking me about fair "market price" for the furniture and I was trying to tell her that she needed to decide on what she thought was a fair price bc it was her stuff. I made some sly or unapologetic remark about it and then she countered with a "well I can tell I'm just bothering you so I'll let you go..." or something to that effect....which is so typically me and my mom.

I've been talking to her more lately bc we were going to refinance her mortgages at my work, and then I was going to help her pick out some new furniture that she really needs bc the stuff she has is pretty worn down. Just like with the furniture, the mortgage refi ended up not going to smoothly and we got into a little argument about it. Now while we're fighting and arguing over stupid happens bc we're both stubborn and don't want to make a decision for the other or let the other make a decision for them...or something...and I think that happens bc we both love each other unconditionally and don't want to see the other one (or in this case...I don't want to see my mom) lose out or make the wrong decision. I know I've had more opportunity than she had growing up, and so I don't want to let her down in any way...or not allow her to let herself down...or I don't know. I just love my mom.

And then there's my siblings who I'm constantly fighting with or antagonizing. I've just resigned myself to that fact that we're always going to give each other crap and until we're all adults (they're still only 19 & 21) and realize that our petty fighting is pointless...and that while we'll always give each other a hard time...its only bc we love each other and know we're only giving the other a hard time bc we love them so much. I know I'm hard on my little brother. I get on his case and give him more than his fair share of brotherly crap...and even though I'm aware of continues...but at the same time I can't think of anyone I love more than my little brother. Not to say I love any one of my family members more than the other...but there's a unique bond between brothers (and sisters for that matter but I'm not a girl so it doesn't apply to my sister and I) that can't matched by any other relationship except maybe for a best friend from early early childhood that stays with you throughout your least into the good part of your adult life (again this would be a boy/boy or girl/girl friendship). So my brother and I have a special bond, and I love him dearly, but it doesn't mean I love my sister any less (even though she's a mega super brat :P).

And then there's my dad...who's always been there to bail us out or helps us out when we got ourselves into a jam. Now Mom helped out tremendously with school projects and papers and more scholastic matters...but Dad's always been there when our cars broke down, or when we got our first speeding tickets, or when we just flat ran our of money and were too stubborn to move home from Spokane. Then he's also been like one of the guys. I remember on several occasions when Dad wasn't so much Dad as just another one of the guys hanging out...playing Mario (well watching), or rooting on the Hawks, or drinking beer while camping or even doing shots of Sambuca (sp?) with your college roommates. My Dad is just tight. Plain and simple. And also a large reason why I have such a love for sports....thanks Dad.

So I'm blessed with a wonderful (and ever present) family as well as great friends (both near and far). And always go on and on about how I never let them know this is my humble attempt at showing how much I care. Its weird...for people that are so close to you...sometimes those are the hardest people to tell how you truly feel about them. Lucky for me I have this little outlet (which I know my mom (or my sister reads it and tells my mom about it) reads) which makes things like this easier...not that it should be hard...but I guess this way its easier not to get super emotional or you don't have to worry about finding the right time to spring the whole "I love you guys so much" feeling-fest on them. I dont I'm just I should probably be done.

As a parallel to this post tho...I have been watching Garden State...and as I've been typing this and watching this at the same time...I've realized just how strong my sentiment in this post is echoed in this movie. Its such a good movie too. A little rough on the edges (what with its choice language and drug use) but its a powerful movie, and so beautifully written, acted & visually put together. So I challenge those of you reading to do this, at the very least: watch Garden State and not hate it...and/or tell the people in your life who matter to you...that they matter to you...and/or strengthen/establish a stronger relationship with your family. The last two are probably more relevant and important in the larger scale of life...but I believe that even just watching this movie can move a person, or at least stir up feelings within you that you might not have known existed or had forgotten about...and that doesn't happen all too often with a movie (plus Natalie Portman is in this movie and if you know me then you know how much I freaking love her...and she doesn't disappoint in her role in this that's a reason to watch it too).

So whether you take my advice, or don't, know that this much is true (and yes I stole this direct out of the movie but I truly believe it)...

"Yea you're all're alive."

...and the spell checker isn't working anymore so I apologize for any typos :/

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