Tuesday, October 7, 2008

technically its tuesday

i said i'd blog more today...monday...and for me it still is monday even though technically its tuesday by 36 minutes. my blog. my rules. my awesome :)

i feel surprisingly refreshed and hopeful today. not that i was destitute or anything, but there's been a lot of me sitting around, being lazy, feeling sorry for myself that i'm unemployed and just an overall patheticness that ends right now.

i don't know why i am the way that i am...but i'm done with sitting around and being mopey about it. the odd thing is nothing particularly good, or special, or unique happened today. i slept in. watched some tv. ate some ramen for lunch. napped. worked on my itunes library. chatted with my roommate a bit about football. but i did just watch forgetting sarah marshall. and sadly i was a little let down. it ended up being one of those movies where everyone tells you its hilarious and awesome and the soooooooooo good...then you watch it, and its not bad, but it doesn't live up to the hype. that being said, i'm still glad i watched it...even tho (as I was warned) there was far too much frontal male nudity. anyway...movies always make me think, and this one was no different.

i'm not going to give a rundown of the movie and how it somewhat parallels my life right now...sort of. i used to do that. but meh. i'm over that. it just felt like a real movie...except for the lead female being a famous movie star and her new bf being a famous rock star...but other than that :) it helped me realize that you can only move forward...if you move forward. sitting around, whining, and feeling sorry for myself isn't going to get me anywhere. and while i appreciated the help from my mother, and suggestions from others, nothing was going to happen until i wanted to make it happen. so simple and yet so difficult to see, and ultimately grasp.

so tomorrow i'm implementing the rule i set for myself when i got laid off: up by 9, job hunt, apply, etc until noon or so (at minimum), then do something constructive each day, if not job hunt more. such constructive things could be cleaning my room, doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom (ugh and eww!), actually using those free weights in the garage, reading a book, going for a run, volunteering, or just bettering myself in some way physically, spiritually or emotionally. as i was typing this i was reminded of a scene from Garden State, and went and looked up the quote. it doesn't fit perfectly, but i think its adapts fairly well...

"This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better."

This is my life. i'm 25 and feel its time for a change, whatever that change may be...and things aren't just going to change on their own. I can't keep waiting for things to get better, I need to do something...get proactive in my own life...so the first change is gonna be with me, because really that's all there is to change. I can change my job, or my house, or my car, clothes, shampoo, music taste...whatever...but to really make a change you gotta start within. For me that means being more self-confident, taking some initiative and holding myself accountable. Now I don't mean to "too my own horn" but I think I got a pretty good base person going on here, I just need to tweak a few things...and find a freaking job.

So that's what's up with me right now. On a monday, that's actually a tuesday, i'm taking the first step towards the next chapter of my life...and for the first time since I got laid off, i'm excited to get started.

Excited to shake shake, shake shake, shake it (up)...a little :)


Kritta22 said...

I'm the same way! I know I should do something but until I get pissed or really want to do something about it, I only half it!
Congrats on finding your energy!!

You are only who you are right now.

I don't know who said that but there you have it and it's true. You can't change the past. Can't worry about the future. You only have NOW!

And I won't hold it against you that you did say you would post on Monday. (GROUNDED!!)

I'm excited to hear your plans!

Kritta22 said...

PS Thanks for taking that stupid word thingy off...you are the best!!

Katie said...

Matty! I'm inspired by your new found motivation. You should share some with me (I am so unmotivated to look for a job right now...).

Also, I revived my blog: http://kharmonious.blogspot.com/ Wanna be blog friends? :)


car said...

i'm glad you finally found your motivation!

that's the funny part about it...i know all too well about the fact that it doesn't really matter what people say to you, nothing will change until you make the choice. (this is also a big part of the meaning behind my tattoo...making a choice)

i'm glad you've made your choice. i'm excited to see what comes of it!! <3