i spent my entire sunday being lazy. i watched a lot of football and just laid low. it was nice. to finish off my lazy sunday i watched a movie. the good life. there may be several movies with this title, as it seems like a fairly common name, but this one dealt with life in a football crazy town in nebraska. crazy about a fictional college football team, tho i think it was set in lincoln, which is where the real-life university of nebraska is located...and where college football is HUGE.
i enjoyed the movie on it's own accord, but as usual, found the theme of the movie somewhat applicable in my life. lately i've been focusing on all the bad things that have come my way. it all started with my decision to leave seattle, and move back to my hometown. really not too far away, but far enough to make regular visits a hassle. when i made this decision, my roommate and i were not getting along and had decided to go our separate ways when our lease was up at the end of june. this was probably at some point in early june. simultaneously, i was unhappy at work. i liked the people i worked with, but i hated the job itself. so as part of the decision to move, i would leave my job when i left seattle. when june finally came to an end, i was unemployed and living back in my hometown with my brother. soon after i got a part time retail job. i like the people i work with, but the more i'm there, and thus the more i learn about the company, the more i don't like the job and the direction/decisions/overall quality of the workplace. and about a month after i moved, my car broke down...and was far too expensive to fix so no more car. about a month after that, i was forced to move out of my brother's place and having no other option, had to move back home. i am greatful to have that option, but after living on my own in seattle for the past three years, it felt a little like i had failed...which is my worst fear.
ok. that kind of got mopey and depressing and that's not the point of this post. i did however, need to convey just how crummy my situation was. even as i typed that, i realized my situation really isn't that bad. i do have a job, a house to live in, my overall health, and all my basic needs are met...but that's why i said crummy and not something more dramatic or unrealistic (ie "omg my life sucks more than anyone's ever"...or something to that effect). so really not that bad, but crummy. agreed?
now on to my point.
i've been focusing on all the bad stuff. putting on my happy face, when really i was probably having more of a personal pity party...and yes i tried to use as many "p" words as possible. bam...another! the movie i just watched, the good life, ends on a very positive note (it's a gift...i can't help how these "p" words just keep popping up). instead of choosing to focus on the negativity, the protagonist ends the movie with this monologue...
...[in reference to all the bad things in life] but it's not pain. it's laughing with a friend at a time when you know you shouldn't. it's the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see...and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you. it's being touched by hands that aren't your own. it's the thrill of an escape that almost wasn't. it's the embarassment you feel, naked for the first time. it's helping a friend find something they lost. it's a smile, a joke, a song. it's what someone does that they like doing. it's what someone does that they like remembering. it's the thinking of things you may never do...and the doing of things you may never have thought. it's the road ahead and the road behind. it's the first step. and the last. and every one in between...because they all make up the good life.
so i'm making a conscious effort to stop dwelling on how things went wrong. or why things are so bad now. or any of that glass have empty nonsense. i've never thought of myself as an optimist, always claimed to be more of a realist...seeing things how they actually are (whether good or bad), but i'm going to start focusing on the good. the things that make me smile and laugh, the people that make me happy, the memories i cherish and those i've still yet to make, the things i have and not the things i don't, the love and support of my family and the idea that is anything is possible.
i guess then, that today is day one. the first day of my new, positive outlook in an otherwise crummy situation. it's also going to be the last day of sitting on my ass all day, doing nothing and being so lazy. doesn't mean i'm going to be go-go-go all the time, but no more of this "wait and see" or "maybe tomorrow" crap i keep feeding myself. i've always heard that if you want change, you have to start with yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you. accordingly, i've also heard that you should follow the advice you give to others.
i guess we'll have to wait and see :)