Sunday, March 29, 2009

careful what you eat

why is it that the simplest things often tend to be so profoundly true?

i think i need to start blogging more often. its a nice way for me to constructively get some things out of my head, or at the very least helps me to sort out the things in my head...even if they don't end up here. i forgot how nice it feels to get into a good post, vent a little, unburden the mind, and just kind of forget about the stresses of life for a short i type away at my computer.

its been almost three weeks since my last post, and most of that time has been spent working. three weeks back, and i definitely feel like i have things pretty much wired again...which is good. i'm comfortable again in an old, familiar role that had changed or "updated" since the last time i been part of it. i've also built up a pretty good rapport with my fellow co-workers, to the point where i can let the naturally flowing sarcasm and humor roll out (for the most part) without the need for editing/censoring/toning down/etc. so work has been pretty good, but sadly just as i start to get comfortable and confident again...things are about to change. for everyone. but change nonetheless. we'll be shifting over to chase soon, so in addition to wearing chase shirts, having chase business cards, chase signage, pamphlets, etc...we'll also be learning the new chase systems. kind of begs the question - why did i just go to wamu training if chase training is literally right around the corner? oh well. not going to fight the bureaucracy of corporate america, but sometimes i wish we could be more self-governing within our own respective branches.

so while work is good, its still work. still means getting up earlier than i go stand for eight hours, then come home and be too tired to do much of anything constructive at home. i always seems to have energy for going out to the bar, for trivia, or meeting up with friends for this or that...but never any energy to clean my room, do some much needed laundry, do the dishes, or even take out the recycling. it all just seems so exhausting. i hope this fades soon, and i don't get home from work and act completely useless until bedtime. its irritating and only helps to enhance my already large propensity for being lazy. bleh.

then on top of still adjusting to working full time, and as a result always being tired, it feels like a lot of the other areas of my life are causing me undue stress. i'll start feeling less tired as i work more, and my body readjusts to less sleep during the week, as well as being at work for 40 that at least has a positive upswing. it almost feels like i've somehow worked myself into a routine that's more or less meh. i actually like having regular events and things scheduled on a weekly basis...but i also like having things go my way. big surprise there, right? i've never heard of someone wanting things to go their way. :P so i realize that's nothing prophetic or unnatural, but it doesn't make it any less true.

ok so i've completely lost my train of thought here...but i do need something to go my way here sooner than later. and when i mean something, i'm really only thinking of one thing which is more often than not the source of my frustration with the status quo. as much as i do enjoy being single, and the complete freedom it brings (to do whatever i want, whenever i want), at the end of the day its lonely. so while i do enjoy going out, and going to the occasional party, i'm more or less over that whole scene. i'll always enjoy going to trivia, or going out with the guys for beers, but i would much rather snuggle up on the couch with someone special and watch a movie, go out and enjoy a casual dinner, have a couple's game night, or just go for a walk, hand in hand, and talk about our days. it also doesn't help that i'm a hopeless romantic, more or less wear my heart on my sleeve...and most of my closest friends are married, or dating someone. its always been fun to joke about, especially how this seems to be the summer of getting married/having babies...but apparently its affecting me more now.

idk. maybe i heard a song, or saw something on tv that triggered this because at the start of the week i felt good. great actually. i was pumped that this last week was going to rock. and the week wasn't bad at all. had a pretty fine week...which makes this all the more puzzling. this week will be different tho. took thursday and friday off, and have a friend coming into that'll be fun. so maybe this is the week i thought last week was going to be. guess we'll have to wait and see. whatever this week brings tho, i hope that it + awesome ;)

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