Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What's going on?

A little over a week ago I was typing a resignation letter to give to my boss the next day. I had finally decided it was time to part ways with the bank I work for...and I felt really good. It wasn't an easy decision, but it felt right and I instantly felt better for what I was about to set in motion. Since then however, things have not been going so well. My decision to quit is still the right one, but I was hoping it would be the start of something better...and not a continuation of the emotional roller coaster I've been on recently. Seriously. One thing goes my way (seemingly), then it seems like the next two go the other way...then something even better happens...then something worse...its annoying.

I honestly have no idea what else to say right now. My head is swarming with so many things, that it's really hard to focus on this post and make it coherent. I need an outlet for what's going on in my head and as great as the ol' blog can be sometimes, it's far too public to really let loose with everything that's on my mind. And I have lots of great friends I can talk to, but some of them are too involved with some of the stuff and/or don't know enough to fully understand the problem. At best it would be a fragmented mess to try and talk to several different people about the variety of issues I'm trying to deal with internally. And don't get me wrong, it's nothing anyone need worry about. I'm not trying to freak people out or play the sympathy card, I'm just trying to let out what I can, with what I'm comfortable making available to any and everyone who reads this.

Hopefully these next two weeks at work will go by quickly and without major problems, no confrontations with coworkers, and nothing out of the ordinary from the customers. That would be ideal, but things rarely go "ideally" at the we'll see. I'm also excited to not have to pay rent next month...w00t. And I'm throwing a party before I move so that'll be fun...and then it's almost the 4th of July, which is always a good time. So maybe things are looking up...I just had to go through a rough week to realize it.

I think in the end I'm just a little scared of what's next because it's so up in the air and uncertain right now...which I don't like. I do feel like I'm in control though, which isn't always the case. Things are definitely moving along on my terms right now, which is a change because I typically worry more about taking care of others before I take care of myself. I guess it's finally time to look out for numero uno and do what's best for me. So in the words of my man E, "I can roll with the punches long as I feel like I'm in control" :)


Jenny said...

So - what is your plan? Do you have other leads? What about bartending? That would be fun!

Matthew Moore said...

My plan is to move home and find something new. Not sure yet what that looks like, but it's not in banking :) I would love to bartend but don't have any serving or bartending experience so it's hard to get on straight into bartending without knowing someone. Know any bars that need help out here? :)