How I Met Your Mother

I love Mondays. At least lately. Mondays have meant putt putt, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, and my new favorite show, Raising the Bar. It also can mean Prost! trivia night. For the second week in a row Drinks On The Links (DOTL) was canceled because of the nasty Monday weather we seem to keep getting. Well...I like the rain so I don't mind, but I would like to play our last round of putt putt in our super hero costumes so c'mon rain give us a break!!

Instead, because of the weather, I went to Prost! for trivia. I met my friend Jason there who's incredibly smart. Just the two of us and we finished tied for 2nd out of six teams. The winning team, who we only lost to by five points, had nine people on their team. So I felt pretty good about our performance, pretty happy with the tasty bier and pretty content with the rainy weather.

I also watched HIMYM and it dealt with significant changes facing the main characters. Most of them were moving: some were moving into a new home to start their new married life together, one was moving out of state (ok NJ is still close to NY but its NJ so...) to move in with his fiancee and her seven year old daughter, and the other was moving to Japan for a new job. They were packing up the apartment shared by three of them, and in the process ended up reminiscing about all the good times they shared in the apartment. So needless to say it got me thinking about how I'm preparing to move soon, start a new job (oh I hope that happens soon) and how many good times I've had in my current residence. I love to reminisce with friends about the good times we've had because it gives you a nice, natural high...that warm fuzzy feeling. And I like that feeling.

Looking back I remember: the numerous times people have slept in the Harry Potter closet, the countless games of HORSE in the garage with the Nerf hoop, the familiar games we've played, and the new ones we've come to love and/or invent (The The Game, Drunk Driver-High Jack, Celebrity, Three Man, Jungle Speed, etc), all the good men we've lost while struggling to fight the good fight...and win each round of Halo (hahaha), how hard we've rocked Guitar Hero & Rock Band, the silly fun we've had with the Wii and "cut the rope," mario kart, tennis, bowling and bungie buddies, the birthday parties, the impromptu luaus, the "for no reason other than its a Friday night" parties, the new friends we've made and the conversation we've had with them, the injuries we've sustained, the chairs we've broken (oh wait...that's just me :D), the way we all knew how to break in through the back door, the "gangsta" food we've eaten, the TV shows we've eagerly waited for and happily watched, the things we've built (and then had to watch them break because of freak garage door accidents), the pranks we've pulled, the movie nights we started...and never quite finished, the friends that have stayed the night/weekend, and the friends that we'll always have no matter where we live.

I do feel its time to move on, but these past 18 or so months have been a blast. I was talking about this to a friend the other day how there's always been "the boys' house" within our group of friends and how when Goldie Bear & I move out on our own...that won't exist anymore. First all four of us single (well one was engaged but not married so he's single for all intensive purposes) guys lived together in the Greenlake house. Man we had some good times there too. Fa sho. Then one of us got married, another engaged and married and the two remaining single guys have been living together at what has been the new version of "the boys' house." Its where we congregate, be around friends, be ourselves, and just have a good time. I hope that even without "the boys' house" we'll all still hang out just as much and form just as many good memories as we have at the other places. I hope we will and don't see any reason why it wouldn't continue...but it will be different and a little weird at first.

Life changes, so often and in so many ways, and I'm just grateful that while so much around us changes, that one thing has stayed the same...my Seattle friends. I have some great friends who don't live as close, and I love them just as much as my friends here, but in a different way. I've known this all along, but its just recently set in just how much they all mean to me. Part of it is time has taken them a little further away, part of it is some of them are temporarily hundreds of miles away on a cruise and I miss them, and part of it is I'm not sure how often we'll all be able to get together after "the boys' house" is no more. So to my Seattle peeps (and those two that fled the country then moved to Olympia :P), the longtime friends and the new ones that I've made recently...I love you all dearly and am extremely grateful to have you all so close and see you so often...even if its not always as often as I'd like :)

No tenga miedo

How much Spanish do you speak? Bastante? Muy poco? Solamente francés?

I'm done now. Sorry. I sometimes think in Spanglish...or sometimes straight Spanish. Its kind of fun, and yet often terribly confusing when I'm playing word games (like Scattegories) and my mind is thinking of answers in Spanish.

WOW...so back on topic :)

No tenga miedo translates as "don't be afraid." Its a little motto I need to apply and appreciate in my life right now. I feel like I'm at a major crossroads in my life right now, and have no idea which of the 14 paths (exaggeration for effect, i.e. hyperbole) to head down. I don't know if one is better than another, if one is ultimately the wrong choice, if heading down one path will close off the others forever, or if I can choose one, decide its not for me, and be able to come back to where I am now. I don't know that I want to come back to right now either. Not saying right now is bad, but I'm not sure that I'll want to come back to how life is at this moment...mainly the unemployed part. I'm scared to make the next move, and even more afraid to make the wrong move...and/or not making a move and then having my path chosen for me based on my lack of decision making ability.

Does any of this makes sense? I feel like I'm aimlessly rambling over the keys right now...

This has been laying rather dormant and subdued within me. I played it all off pretty cool...the getting laid off again. Just accepting it (which was really my only option) and not being worried about what was next. Well give me the Oscar then...or maybe I didn't pull off the performance as well as I thought I was. Doesn't matter now. What prompted this post, and this confession of fear, was a brief conversation I had with a friend today. Her current job is less than satisfactory, and she's been looking for a new job, and in doing so a new career as well. She wants to do something meaningful and rewarding to her, instead of just having a job for the sake of being able to pay bills. That's important too, paying bills (unfortunate truth of living on your own), but she's looking for a change, even if it may not be as familiar and safe as her current job. She is good at her current job. She did the same thing before she moved to Seattle, and knew she what she was getting into, and how to excel at it. It was safe...and ultimately dull and unfulfilling.

Recently she's been looking for, and applying for new jobs...jobs that she really wants. She found her dream job, but as yet has not heard back (as far as I know). She also applied for another position, working with at-risk/troubled youth...for lack of a more PC and appropriate term. Kids who have issues, by their own doing or due to their environments, and need extra attention and/or strict discipline. A very intense environment, but one where she feels she can make a difference in the lives of these kids. So we were talking about that job opportunity today, and that's she excited because she thinks the position is going to be offered to her...but how at the same time it scares her. Its a new start (a new start she welcomes) but its going to be unfamiliar, unsafe (not literally, but in the sense that its something new and intense) and totally different than anything she's ever done before.

I told her its natural to be nervous and afraid, but that she's going to do wonderfully. She's got a good head on her shoulders, and even recognizes how hard this new transition will most likely be. Plus her heart's in it, and she's just a fabulous person on top of it all. I have no doubt she would be a wonderful asset to this new company, and an amazing mentor to the kids. And if that weren't enough, she's got some great people in her life to help her out when it gets tough.

After talking with her about that, I couldn't help but reflect on my own position of not only wanting to make a career change, but needing a job...because I'm unemployed. Unlike my friend though, I do not know what I want to do. I just know I want to do something different, and I need a job soon. And yet, in the same way that my friend is afraid to go for what she wants, I'm terrified of the unknown in my job search. I liked that sense of familiarity and comfort that a job brings...even if I didn't particularly enjoy the actual work I was doing. I did love the people, and that sense of security.

So I'm afraid. Fearful of what will happen next...because I honestly have no idea what that will be. Very little could change. Everything could change. Enough could change to feel like everything changed, then a few months later I'll realize life is basically still the same. And that's ok with me. I mean, I'm looking for a career change, but it doesn't have to be some life altering change too. In my mind I guess I've kind of made them out to be simultaneous...or linked in that finding a new career means the rest of my life will change along with my new job. But why? Why am I thinking that? I have expressed my interest in moving...that I'm kind of done with Shoreline. It's not that much cheaper (if at all) than lots of other areas of Seattle. It's too far away from everything, like downtown, Interbay, movie theaters (eh kinda), other friends, good bars, Prost!, a bowling alley, and Wendy's. Make fun of that last one but Wendy's is delicious, and the one in Shoreline closed several months ago and it upset me. The next closest one is in Ballard, which might as well be Siberia. (yay hyperbole!)

I don't like not knowing. It may be what I dislike most. Even what I hate most. And in this case, I can't really even direct where this ride is going. I can apply for jobs here, nearby, further away, way far away, but ultimately where I end up for my next job is out of my hands. Granted I need to impress, and wow my potential employers but I don't get to choose if they offer me the job or not. All I can do is apply, and hope that in my job search I find something amazing, exciting or fulfilling enough to get me less fearful about all this, and more pumped. I want to be more pumped about this opportunity I've been given (or that was forced upon me) to go after the very change I was wanting. Eek! Getting what I want is kind of scary this time...wish me luck :)